What's brown and sticky?
A stick
Stupid Jokes
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barnsleybilly
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What does a kangaroo eat for breakfast?
Pouched eggs
Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other, 'Does he taste funny to you?
Boom Boom!
Pouched eggs
Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other, 'Does he taste funny to you?
Boom Boom!
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corrado
- Dealer
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A Geordie and an American aid worker are helping out in Africa .
Yank says, "You from round here, buddy?"
"No," he replies, " Newc..astle "
"What State's that in?" asks the Yank.
"Pretty much the same as this place!"
Yank says, "You from round here, buddy?"
"No," he replies, " Newc..astle "
"What State's that in?" asks the Yank.
"Pretty much the same as this place!"
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monument7
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So the daughter says to the missus, " here mam, does your fanny get bigger as you get older.", missus caught aback says " I'm not sure but leave it with me".
That night the missus takes the mirror off the wall and is stood over it in the bathroom with no knickers on while I walked past. Whoa I shouted as I rugby tackled her into the bath. She starts shouting and screaming at me " you stupid b@5t@rd you could have broke me arms " . Well I said that's nice you ungrateful tw@7, if you'd fell down that hole you'd have broke both your fekkin legs.
That night the missus takes the mirror off the wall and is stood over it in the bathroom with no knickers on while I walked past. Whoa I shouted as I rugby tackled her into the bath. She starts shouting and screaming at me " you stupid b@5t@rd you could have broke me arms " . Well I said that's nice you ungrateful tw@7, if you'd fell down that hole you'd have broke both your fekkin legs.
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Toddy
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- Location: East Yorkshire
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monument7 wrote:So the daughter says to the missus, " here mam, does your fanny get bigger as you get older.", missus caught aback says " I'm not sure but leave it with me".
That night the missus takes the mirror off the wall and is stood over it in the bathroom with no knickers on while I walked past. Whoa I shouted as I rugby tackled her into the bath. She starts shouting and screaming at me " you stupid b@5t@rd you could have broke me arms " . Well I said that's nice you ungrateful tw@7, if you'd fell down that hole you'd have broke both your fekkin legs.
As my Dad used to say "Each to their own lad"
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours. When he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replies, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah could nay get meself a shoovel! Ye left the' Chinese guy in charge of supplies, boot ah could nay find him either."
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy ...
Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells . . . . . .
"SUPPLIES!"
The wife came out of the bathroom and said. “I have just shaved
my legs and you know what that means don't you”?
I said. “Yeah, the plug hole is blocked again”!
A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift.
The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The KEY," where a small key is placed on the back
Of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.
Of course, the woman wanted "The Key."
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the key, and the effects were wonderful -- the woman
Remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
"All these years, everything has been working just fine.
I've had to turn the key and I've always loved the results.
But now I've developed two annoying problems:
First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the key won't get rid of them."
The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags my Dear those are your tits."
She which she replied , "No point asking about the beard then.!!.......
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to! ...Unless you're in prison.
I would never go bungee jumping. A broken rubber brought me into this world, and it's not going to take me out!
Jesus loves you... A kind gesture in church, but a horrifying thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours. When he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replies, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah could nay get meself a shoovel! Ye left the' Chinese guy in charge of supplies, boot ah could nay find him either."
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy ...
Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells . . . . . .
"SUPPLIES!"
The wife came out of the bathroom and said. “I have just shaved
my legs and you know what that means don't you”?
I said. “Yeah, the plug hole is blocked again”!
A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift.
The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The KEY," where a small key is placed on the back
Of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.
Of course, the woman wanted "The Key."
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the key, and the effects were wonderful -- the woman
Remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
"All these years, everything has been working just fine.
I've had to turn the key and I've always loved the results.
But now I've developed two annoying problems:
First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the key won't get rid of them."
The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags my Dear those are your tits."
She which she replied , "No point asking about the beard then.!!.......
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to! ...Unless you're in prison.
I would never go bungee jumping. A broken rubber brought me into this world, and it's not going to take me out!
Jesus loves you... A kind gesture in church, but a horrifying thing to hear in a Mexican prison.