Scooterotica

Paddy took two stuffed dogs he had onto the Antiques Roadshow................
Ooh, said the presenter, "This is a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they'd fetch if they
were in good condition?"

Paddy replied,

"Sticks????"

The missus asked for something silk for Xmas.No doubt this tin of emulsion will be the wrong bloody colour .

Nicked from Foxy on the LCGB.

I told my missus I was going to build a racing bike made from spaghetti. She said I was mad and it would never work.....Anyway, I built it and you should have seen her face when I rode pasta.

I was walking through the woods the other day, when i came upon a fox and three little cubs in a suitcase..........so i phoned the RSPCA and told the lady, she said "Oh ok, are they moving?" I said "That would account for the suitcase?"

A cow walks into a bar. Barman says 'why the long face?'

Cow says 'Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!'

Viagra now available in powder to put in tea, does nothing for erections but stops your biscuit from going soft.

Good news about finding the remains of Richard III in that carpark,takes the number of true blooded Englishmen in Leicester up to 17 !

The man shot dead by Police while trying to rob a bookies will be buried at 10 to 1.

Pork products found in Halal pies, i was so upset i phoned the muslim help line but all i got was crackling.

Some b@5t@rd just hit me over the head with a power tool, i was minding my own business the "Bosch"

my wife went to the doctors to see what the spot was between her tits. She returned home relieved to be told it was her belly button.

this skeleton walks into a bar and says to the barman..."pint of lager and a mop please".

Dr told me to watch what i eat ... so ive got tickets for the grand national