Stupid Jokes

[drunkmunkey6969]

fold your dick three times

Only just read that.....and spat my beer out....funny as f@@k....LOL[/quote]

Do the maths...for 3 times the length of your thimb, fold your dick twice [/quote]
Only if you are folding it in half! I fold mine in thirds! ;o)[/quote]

What? No... It's one fold if you're folding it in half, two folds to fold into thirds and three folds to fold into quarters.[/quote]
You are right....I folded mine so much it fell off.

[Muttley McLadd]

I folded mine so much it fell off.

Some people will do anything to be able to ride a scooter with indicators..

[sean brady scooters]

I suprised the postwoman this morning ,as I went to the door totally naked.
Not sure what shocked her the most, the sight of me naked or cos I knew where she lived

[wack 63]

My new Olympic condoms arrived today so I said to the missus " Tonight I'm gonna wear gold" to which she replied "can't you wear silver and come second for once"

Sanjay the Indian wifebeater headbutts his wife at 7:30 every evening .on the dot

[drew2]

roy hodgson was asked recently if he had ever 'tweetwd his wife,to which he replied
"yes,i tweeted her to a womantic dinner last week"

[warts]

Mother Superior was being driven in to town by the newest novice in the works van. Suddenly the Devil jumps out from behind a hedge and on to the bonnet. Waving his trident in a threatening and offensive manor and breathing fetid sulphur fumes.
Quick as a flash, Mother Superior shouts at the novice "Show him your cross! show him your cross!!".
Novice promptly winds down the window and shouts "GET OFF THE FOOKING BONNET!!!!".

[wack 63]

I looked out of my window and saw a group of people gathering around a bloke who had come off his scooter,so I frantically rushed over shouting "Out of my way!" as I pushed thru the crowd. "Are you a doctor? " one woman asked. "No" I replied, "Thats my f****n pizza"

[Muttley McLadd]

A hooded robber burst into a Vancouver bank and forced the tellers to Load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door, a brave Vancouver customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robbers face.
The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.
Everyone in the bank, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.
The robber yelled " Well, did anyone else see my face?"
There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly Too afraid to speak.
Then, one old farmer named Bill from Alberta tentatively raised his hand and said "I think my wife got a pretty good look at you..."

[Muttley McLadd]

The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife.

They said "Is this your wife sir?"

I answered "Yes."

They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

I said "I know, but she takes it up the ar se and she's good with the kids."

[wack 63]

A bloke is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly yells "Don't enter that church,you daft tw@7,it's a trap! " His wife asks "What are you watching? " He replies "Our f@@king wedding video!"