Scooterotica

I'm worried my Gran might have onset alzheimers, she keeps calling me Dave when my name's Joe, that or she's thinking of someone else when we're having sex.
I rang the rape advice phoneline the other day, turns out it's intended for victims.

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond
bracelet
and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she
unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her
little 'woops'
and prays that a salesperson was not anywhere near. As she turns around,
her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right
behind her - good looking as well.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a
professional in a store like Harrods.
He politely greets the lady with, "Good day Madam. How may we help you
today?"

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow
missed her little 'incident',
she asks, "What is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it -
you're going to s**t yourself when I tell you the price!"

This f@@king great brown bug just flew into my kitchen window and exploded...

must be one of those jihadi longlegs.

My gran knitted me a lovely jumper with " All Paki's are b@5t@rds " on the front. I said to her, " sorry nan but I can't wear it", why she said ?. I said, because it's a small and i'm a medium.

.
Little Manufan Mbwingo live in Africa 40 mls from the nearest water which he goes to collect for his family every day on his bicycle which only has one pedal and to make things worse he only has one leg as he lost the other in a landmine accident.
I am not asking for donations but to say you can view the video on you tube it's as funny as f@@k

Did you hear about the midget who walked into the bar and kissed everyone, in the joint!

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees.
I thought she was joking ..................... And then I saw her face......

Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

corrado wrote:My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees.
I thought she was joking ..................... And then I saw her face......

An insect flew into my office today and exploded!....

Must have been a Jihadi long-legs.

I asked the Genie in the lamp to make me irresistible to women ...................... he turned me into a credit card.