Scooterotica

My son came home after being thrown out of school for letting a girl in his class give him a hand job.
I said "Thats the third time this year! You're going to have to stop or you might get banned from teaching altogether!"

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According to a recent survey on whether there was too much immigration in Britain, 17% said Yes, 11% said no, 72% said "Very sorry I am not understanding the question please"

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I found out my wife was having an affair but by turning to religion i have been able to deal with it. I converted to Islam and we're stoning her in the morning

The Chef

I bumped into an old mate yesterday.
I said "What you up to these days?"
He said "I prepare meals for the homeless, druggies, p*ss heads and down-and-outs"
"Oh, you work in a soup kitchen then?"
"No" he said "I'm the chef at Wetherspoons"

KITKAT

A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat b**ch."

London Cabbie

A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio, because as decreed by his religious teaching he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.


The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.

The Arab Muslim asked him, "What are you doing?"

The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so p155 off and wait for a camel.."

With the recent news it looks like another paedophile coming out of the shadows

i thought it was a seaside tragedy when i saw the headline ........" Young lad tossed off Cliff ".

What's brown and sticky...



















A stick.


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Old man and woman sat in their care home and the woman suggests sex . The old man says " i can't get the old tadger to stand to attention any more but dont mind a 69. Stripped off and down to it the old man says f''k me what's that smell ?), sorry says the old lady it's my arthritus. What says the old man, in your fanny. No dafty says the woman, in me hands......................... I can't wipe me arse properly.

With all this media attention on celebrity abuse during the 70's, I'd like to press charges against Pans People who made me abuse myself at 7pm every Thursday night from the age of 11

ISIS recruits have dried up from the Uk as Rotherham city council have put on monthly school discos instead.