Scooterotica

THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A SCOTTISH GIRL

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.....

The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.....

The third man married a girl from Scotland . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates.....

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."

The Australian cricket team have terminated their sponsorship deal with Immodium.

They are blaming it for stopping the runs.

Update the Force Luke, Adobe Wan Kanobi

unbelievable

If there was a shred of doubt the world is totally insane, this will remove it.

This says it all…….
Scooterotica rule book:....................................13 words (4 mis-spelt).
Pythagoras' Theorem: .........................24 words.
Lord's Prayer: .......................................... 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle: .................................67 words.
Ten Commandments: .......................................179 words.
Gettysburg Address: ................................................286 words.
US Declaration of Independence : ................................1,300 words.
US Constitution with all 27 Amendments: ........................7,818 words.
EU Regulations on the Sale of CABBAGES: ...........................26,911 words

What's worse than a cardboard box?

Paper tits.

My wife warned me, "When my mother comes this weekend, I don't want to hear any of your stupid broomstick jokes."

"Why?", I replied, "In case she flies off the handle?"

Al this hoo-ha about V W fixing their exhausts to pass EU regulations. I mean, it's not the first time the Germans have been in hot water over gas emissions..

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were on their first visit to a shopping mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that would move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen a lift) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a very large old lady on a mobility scooter moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous young blond lady stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly.....'Son, go get your mother'